For many, solo travel is the only way to go. I was not one of those people, until my travel companion left me terrified and alone in Paris. Why I am now a solo travel convert--and why you should think seriously about going it alone too.
"I'm leaving."
I don't know why I was stunned. I knew by the time we entered French airspace that something wasn't right--that Alyson wasn't going to stay. We had been planning our grand voyage through Europe for two years, but by the time we landed in Paris, Alyson didn't want to be there. Her baggage was delayed in Chicago, giving her the perfect excuse. Plus, she said, the food was bad (?!?), there were too many birds, everybody smoked, and no one spoke English. In short, it was just too different.
Wasn't that the point?
On our second day in Paris, we returned to Charles de Gaulle airport to pick up Alyson's bag. I thought that as soon as she had her bag, our trip could begin.
Instead, she went back to Canada.
She wrote and sent some postcards (not mentioning that she was on her way home; she would have arrived in Kelowna before they did), hugged me, and whispered in my ear, "Just think. Now we can use the line 'We'll always have Paris.'"
Somehow, this provided no comfort. I was nineteen years old, on my first trip outside North America, facing six weeks in Europe--alone.
***
The Travel Industry Association reports that solo travellers account for 21.8% of all American travellers.
"I was shocked at how many people--while I was away and here in Canada--were shocked that I travelled by myself," says Keri Froese, 22, who travelled alone in Greece and Turkey. "Some of them said they'd never want to travel by themselves, but most of them said that they didn't think they ever could."
I was one of those people.
I managed to find my way back to Paris on the metro--no small feat for a girl who had never taken public transit by herself--and returned to my hotel, where I checked out.
"Et votre amie?" the hotelier asked curiously.
"Elle est partie," I replied, in what I thought was impeccable French.
He looked confused.
I tried again. "Elle est retournee au Canada." And then I began to weep.
The man gave me a look of disdain that no one has mastered quite like the Parisians.
I sat on the curb outside the hotel and cried for over an hour, the reality of the situation setting in. I knew that I couldn't go back to Canada--I had invested too much to be here--but I knew that I could not find my way around Europe by myself. Or even if I could, I didn't want to. I would be lonely, bored, sad. And, I was convinced, my life would be in danger.
I was more or less right. Over the next six weeks, I experienced loneliness, boredom, sadness, and fear, sometimes to the point of desperately wanting to go home. Often when I got on a train, plane or ferry bound for a new city, I experienced nearly crippling anxiety. On two occasions, I got myself into compromising situations that, in retrospect, I recognize as truly stupid and potentially very dangerous. One night, as I walked down a dark street in Athens, I had the chilling realization that if I were attacked, no one would even know that I had disappeared.
Why, then, would I write an article recommending that others subject themselves to the perils of solo travel? Because the perils are not as bad as many believe they are. And more than that, because I--who thought she would never travel alone--had one of the best experiences of my life.
Lea Lane, author of Solo Traveler: Tales and Tips for Great Trips, says, "Travelling alone isn't only a different travel experience. It can be the ultimate travel experience."
"Most negatives about solo travel are misperceptions," Lane says.
The biggest misperception she names is that solo travellers are lonely, which is rarely the case.
"What people don't understand is that travelling alone is not really travelling alone--you never have to be by yourself unless you want to be," says Froese.
I was rarely alone. I met fantastic people in nearly every city I went, some whom I spent several days with. I'm certain that I would not have met many of them if I had been with Alyson because she was unenthusiastic about meeting new people--a point of contention between us. At one of the lowest points in my trip, in the Greek islands, I met two American men who turned a cold rainy spell in a deserted island village into one of the highlights of my trip. My memories of the Greek islands are not of Mediterranean swims but of card games in hotel rooms and Greek-dubbed American movies with two hilarious guys from the Midwest, and I would not have had it any other way.
"Some of the most interesting people I have ever met were when I was backpacking," says Laura Marshall, 22.
Solo travellers seem to agree that the biggest benefit to travelling alone is the option of being entirely selfish, guilt-free--never having to compromise and risk missing something you want to see or do. Lane says that solo travellers also often have more culturally immersed experiences, since locals are more likely to approach singles than pairs or groups. When I was in Rome, the Italian owner of my hostel took me out for an authentic four-course Italian meal--an experience that I know I wouldn't have had had I not been alone. I found the best thing about solo travel was the option to choose when to be by myself and when to be with others. I spent a week and a half with two girls from St. Louis; on the third day, when they wanted to go shopping (again) and I wanted to check out the Uffizi Gallery, I took off on my own. Of course, people travelling with friends have the same option, but are less likely to use it.
Of course, there are safety concerns for solo travellers, particularly women, to keep in mind. However, these concerns are essentially the same as they are in Canada. I have felt more genuinely threatened on a late-night Vancouver street than I felt in any city in Europe.
Lane advises that the singular most important safety advice for solo travellers is to use your instinct. "Yes, I once traipsed alone to the Syrian border, just to see some incredible Roman-era mosaic floors in Antioch, Turkey--but my choices are calculated. I do what feels right," Lane writes.
Many travel websites and guidebooks warn against choosing a travel companion by default--going with with anyone who is ready and willing, out of fear of going alone. Alyson was one of those travel companions--she was unstable on a good day, but she had the money, time and inclination to go when and where I wanted to. Look how that turned out. But far worse than her leaving would have been her staying and being miserable for the duration of the trip, ruining my experience as well as her own. Even if you genuinely enjoy your potential travel mate's company, keep in mind that travel can kill even close friendships. If you find a long weekend with your friend can be taxing, there is potential for a turbulent travel relationship.
Marshall says that she discovered how trying an incompatible travel companion could be on her 2005 trip to Southeast Asia with her friend Kyle. "I just found my patience was short with him--we would bicker about stupid things. He would get jealous if I made 'friends' with other guys. I got sick of hearing the same stories over and over. Some of his comments would make me want to scream. Everything he did just annoyed the hell out of me."
After a particularly heated argument, Marshall decided to leave Kyle in Vietnam and continued travelling by herself--a decision she says changed her life. "I absolutely loved it," she says.
"One of the things I discovered about travelling alone is that you are your true self--there's no one from home to impose their expectations of who you usually are. I felt like I was more truly myself than I've ever been."
"If you can find the perfect travel mate, I think travelling with someone else may be overall a better time," says Marshall, who has also travelled extensively with her brother and friends. "But how many times in your life are you going to happen to have the perfect travel mate, who has the time and the money at the same time as you?"
The risk in waiting for such a companion is that you may end up waiting forever--trips that are continually put off tend not to happen. The opportunity to travel will not last forever; there is truly no time like the present.
"If I had waited for someone to go with me, I would have waited forever," says Froese. "When I think about the experience I would have missed out on, there's no question that I made the right decision. It took some getting used to, being by myself, but I would not want it any other way."
Unfortunately, solo travel may not be for everyone; the only way to know one way or the other is to try.
Lauren McNeilly, 28, thought that solo travel would be the perfect option for her, since she was proudly independent. On a backpacking trip in Central America, she discovered that she was wrong.
"I absolutely hated it," says McNeilly, who cut her three-month trip short and returned to Canada after three weeks. "I was lonely and depressed. I got really sick and there was no one to look after me. It was one of the most miserable experiences of my life."
So for those who still aren't convinced: why should you go travelling by yourself?
Because, as Marshall says, "you can't travel alone without it changing you in a fundamental way. It's not always fun, but you come home with this sense of personal competence and independence that changes your life at home too."
When I returned to Canada after six emotionally turbulent weeks, I was a different person. I had a sense of confidence and accomplishment that I had never felt before. I--the public transit neophyte--had navigated the transit systems in nine cities in three different languages; had found my way from France to Italy to Greece and back again; had conquered shyness and made new friends that saw the best version of myself I've ever been. No, Alyson, we won't always have Paris, but I always will. Paris is and will always be the place where I decided to carry on--a decision that changed my life. If anything, I should thank her for leaving.
In September, I head back to Europe for a 14-week backpacking adventure. Yes, I'm going alone--this time, by choice.***
***Okay, those of you who have read about my 2006 Europe trip know that I went with a friend. But I was looking for a good conclusion that made my point. (And to be fair, I did spend 3-4 weeks of that trip on my own!)
So that's it. It's interesting to look back at this article five years, three trips, and one international relocation later. More on that next time...
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